The walking has finished for now, although I am already mentally planning future caminos: the camino del norte to include the route from Arles and on to Finisterre; a stroll to Jerusalem or Rome, perhaps. The walking has finished and I am in Portugal visiting my mother, on the verge of heading back to London. But the pilgrimage of life continues.
I should know what I will do and where I will stay, but I don’t. A friend asks me how long I will stay. I don’t know. I only know that I want to see my son and my friends.
I looked back over my blog and read my entry on Liminality, and that has helped a bit with the ambiguity and indeterminacy I am experiencing. I remember what Penelope said about making different choices and I will endeavour to continue to make choices based on intuition rather than on a fear of what might happen if I don’t do this, that or the other.
The paradox facing me now is that I should act, make decisions, get things moving. Time is pressing on and money needs to be made. Not so long ago I would have had all these things sorted out – have moved from one space back to another into a channel grooved by habit and familiarity.
But I don’t want to return to that rut. I want to coninue to walk on new soil with footsteps that are expansive, constantly seeking new places to imprint. I have a mind full of ideas about books and research and lecturing about pilgrimages and Celtic saints and mediaeval history. Plus, and perhaps even more importantly, I am now actively looking for a partner and a place somewhere in this beautiful world to call home.
In the meantime, until I can see the next step, I shall continue to play Euromillions.
